I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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