Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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