Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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