I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
foreskin is a definite game changer
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Randomize
