I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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