apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
