the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just threw up on my dentist
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
