a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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