My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
