I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
