he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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