Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
