im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
