Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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