Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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