I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize