I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
