She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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