That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
