two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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