the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
