I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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