Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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