it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
