just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
