So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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