i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
