I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
