got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the day after is always just damage control
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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