Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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