Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
