hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
nutella sex= disaster
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
