end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
