trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
