I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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