I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
