Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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