My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
