Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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