youre lurking in front of me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
