When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
