can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize