You smell like stripper and shame
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
