hotel room ftw
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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