somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
