I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
