ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
