do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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