Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
