Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
