me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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