I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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