we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
