oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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