seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
