Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
