I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
