Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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