You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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