Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
