That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
