Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
