I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
